


Fourteen Days Of Fluff

by Donthavesexwithsam



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I swear no angst, I'm not ready for Pan Pan, M/M, fluff only, multichapter but it's just drabbles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5875663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donthavesexwithsam/pseuds/Donthavesexwithsam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A cigarette a day keeps the talent show away

**Author's Note:**

> This Quarterly talent show, Commander Minkowski has something very special in store for her crew. Pre-succulent rat killing tar.  
> Plus, rules and regulations, synchronized sighing and ring-around-the-rosy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for our quarterly talent show! Minkowski's excited for the three of them, which is quite neccessary, because Hilbert and Eiffel aren't excited at all...  
> Plus, rules and regulations, perfect french accents, ring-around-the-rosy, and closeted musical infatuates

**DAY 1**

“This is the audio log of Communication’s Officer Doug Eiffel. It’s day two-hundred forty-eight of our orbit around sunny Wolf 359, a red dwarf star _not_ as red as you’d expect it to be. Today I’m speaking to you from the cargo bay, where our fearsome Commander has summoned us for the third quarterly talent show! She told us she would turn things around after…”

Doug quickly stopped speaking when the Commander entered the room.

“Eiffel, what are you doing?” Minkowski sounded sharp.

“Just recording my daily log, Commander. Rules and regulations right?” Eiffel grinned. “Please go on,”

“Good,” Minkowski straightened out her papers and scraped her throat. “Then, all of you, welcome to the third crew morale boost!”

There was some synchronized sighing from Hilbert and Eiffel’s corner, but one shady look from the Commander shut them up.

“Because last time did not go as fantastic as we presumed,” Minkowski rambled over their silent complaints, “I’m throwing things around a little.”

She handed the papers over to Eiffel and Hilbert. “In front of you is part of the Les Miserables musical, I have highlighted your parts, and you’re going to study them, and we’ll perform them in an hour. It doesn’t have to perfect, you just have to show me that you are doing your very best.”

She floated towards the door. “I’ll see you back here in an hour!”

Eiffel waited until he was sure she was gone, before he started complaining. “How is this better than smoke rings?”

“Probably because musical song does not endanger entire crew.” Hilbert said, drily.

“Oh, ha-ha,” Eiffel rolled his eyes. “What are you parts?”

Hilbert paged through his script. “I have Éponine and Enjolras.”

He pronounced the names all with a perfect French accent. Show-off.

“Why do you get all the good parts?” Eiffel snatched the paper from Hilbert, to make sure he wasn't lying. “I have Madame Thenardier and Cosette. Are they both chicks? How am I going to reach their pitch?”

“That doesn’t matter Eiffel,” Hilbert said. “I think she only wants to perform ‘One Day More’,”

“How do you know?” Eiffel frowned, suspiciously. “Do you have a knack for musicals?”

“For God’s sake, Eiffel, it says it at top of the paper.” Hilbert sighed. “But look at the bright side. If we’re only doing one song, our suffering will be over in five minutes!”

“We’ll still have to study.” Eiffel sighed.

“ _I have the song on my databank,_ ” Hera chimed in. “ _Well, I have the music sheets. I should be able to pipe something through the speakers and we can all help each other._ ”

Eiffel grinned. “Great. So what did she saddle you up with, Hera?”

“ _I have the role of Marius, the valiant protagonist and Monsieur Thenardier, the beggar._ ” Hera said. “ _Which means we have a duet, Eiffel!_ ”

“Romantic,” Eiffel rolled his eyes.

The Communications Officer spend the entire hour complaining to his log, and Hilbert and Hera tried to make the best out if it. Hera was actually quite excited, so excited that she glitched heavily every time she tried to reach the higher parts of her duet with Eiffel, who sang like a tortured cat.

“I can’t hear if you’re really that terrible or you’re just not willing to try.” Hilbert growled.

Eiffel huffed, “Well, if you can’t appreciate me… I’m going to the bathroom for a moment.”

“Just be back on time.” Hilbert growled.

Eiffel left the cargo bay, moving slowly, through the station. He passed the bathroom and pulled a screwdriver from his pocket.

“No way I’m going to play along in this nonsense, dear listeners. I’m going to screw a panel loose from the ceiling and hide until the talent show is over.”

He jammed and pulled for a bit, until the panel came off.

“ _Officer Eiffel?_ ” Hera asked. “ _What are you doing?_ ”

“Making sure Commander Minkowski and her musical loving wrath will never be able to find me,” Eiffel murmured, hoisting himself in the hole in the roof, pulling the panel back in place behind him.

“There. See?” He said. “No one will be able to find me, right?’

“ _I know you’re in there,_ ” Hera sighed.

“But you won’t tell Minkowski, right?” It came muffled, from the ceiling.

“ _I cannot lie to her, Officer Eiffel,_ ” Hera said. “ _My programming prevents me from lying to a Station Officer._ ”

“But Heraaaa,” Eiffel complained.

“ _I do not want any part in this, Eiffel._ ” Hera said. “ _So as long as you don’t break anything, I guess you should be all right._ ”

"I don't want any part in Minkowski's little ring-around-the-rosy," Eiffel growled.

After half an hour of being in hiding, the PA system chimed.

“ _Crew of the Hephaestus, and specifically Communications Officer Douglas Eiffel, this is Commander Renée Minkowski speaking. For your sake, Doug, I’m hoping that you are looking for an appropriate costume to accustom your solo, or taking a bathroom break, but if I find you, or better,_ when _I find you and you're not very busy practising or doing something else important, you will sincerely regret even thinking about fleeing. You have five minutes, Doug._ ”

Eiffel growled. “No way I’m going down there to play along with that closeted musical infatuate.” He tried to stretch his leg, “My legs fallen asleep a few minutes ago, but that’s good right? I mean, it doesn’t feel _good_ , but it’s better than the stinging.” he sighed. “I’m going to be in real trouble when this is over, but it’ll be worth it.”

“ _Oh Officer Eiffel,_ ” Hera sighed.

After five minutes or so, the PA system chimed again.

“ _Doug, this is abnormal. I do not understand why it is so hard for you to follow station protocol…_ ” Minkowski growled through the speakers.

“If station protocol forces me to sing- then it’s nearly impossible, Commander,” Doug replied, even though the Commander couldn’t hear him.

“ _But, as you are very much aware, all actions have consequences. So right now I’m standing in the Comms room and… what is that?”_

There was some rummaging in the background.

“ _A full carton of cigarettes? The plastic wrapping is still on it. I wonder where you have that half empty carton. There should be three left in it? Maybe four?”_

“Hera, you snitch!” Eiffel called. He quickly patted his chest pocket to make sure the package was still there.

“ _Anyway. You know what I’m going to do with these, Eiffel? I’m going to light them. One by one. And I’m going to hold them between my fingertips, waiting for each cigarette to slowly burn to waste, all the way down to the filter. I’m going to watch as Hera turns on the air-vents, and the ashes of the non smoked nicotine sticks are filtered out by the air-filter system. However, if you come down to the cargo bay and help us make the talent show a success, I might consider not only giving them back to you, but also granting you the privilege of one cigarette a day. One a day Doug. Under supervision and in the airlock, so you won’t endanger anyone on the crew, but one whole stick of lung defiling tar. Think that through.”_

Eiffel didn’t have to think that through. He rarely thought anything through. He kicked the panel away. “God dammit Commander.” he swore, scurrying down to the cargo bay.

“See what’s she’s aiming for, dear listeners?” He complained to his recorder. “By giving me this ‘privilege’, she created some huge leverage over me. Damn her.”

He went down to the cargo bay, where Minkowski was waiting with a disgruntled Hilbert and a huge red flag.

“ _One day more!_ ” She sang. “ _Another day, another destiny._ ”

Eiffel eyed Hilbert, but the Russian just shrugged. ‘Let’s get this over with’, his eyes seemed to say. He took a deep breath, chiming in with Hera.

“ _Tomorrow you’ll be worlds away, and yet with you, my world has started._ ”

But instead of Marius, Eiffel just thought about the cigarettes, those delicious cigarettes. And what he would do to them once this song was over.


	2. PUNK'D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-succulent, rat killing tar, Eiffel tries to pull a HILARIOUS prank, which, of course, only Eiffel finds funny and he soon comes to regret. Short one for today because of work, but to make up there's both Eiffera and Heiffel. IN ONE FIC. *pulls party popper*  
> Plus, seaweed and ketchup, the confusing concept of human biology, and unexpected resuscitation.

  **DAY 2**

“ _Officer Eiffel, I’m telling you, this is a_ _terrible_ _idea._ ” Hera said, maybe for like, the five-thousandth time since Eiffel had boarded the USS Hephaestus.

“Nah, It’ll be hilarious.” Eiffel cracked his fingers. “You just make sure you record it.”

“ _Eiffel no._ ” Hera stated.

“EIFFEL YES.” Eiffel grinned. “Let’s go over the plan one more time. You…”

“ _I call Doctor Hilbert,_ ” Hera sighed.

“I pretend that I’m having a seizure.” Eiffel continued.

“ _And I record it all while Doctor Hilbert tries to figure out what is going on._ ” Hera finished. She sighed again. “ _In what universe is this funny?"_

In every universe, Hera, geez.” Eiffel rolled his eyes. “You just wait and see.”

" _Gosh,_ ” Hera said. “ _You must be extremely bored._ ”

"Gotta do something around here," Eiffel shrugged.

" _What about work?_ " Hera asked sounding amused.

"What?" Eiffel grinned. "Pfffff. No."

He kicked his feet up. "Do you ever like- miss Earth, Hera?'

" _Not really._ " Hera admitted. " _Not much for me there_."

"Not much for you here either," Eiffel shrugged.

" _That is untrue, Eiffel,_ " Hera said. " _You're here._ "

Eiffel smiled. "Do you really mean that?"

" _Really, Officer Eiffel._ " Hera said. " _You and Commander Minkowski are the only two who really see me as a person. That's refreshing_."

"You are a person," Eiffel replied. "It doesn't matter what you're made out of, you're real and you're whole and people should treat you that way."

" _You're a good man_." Hera said.

There was a moment of silence, before Hera spoke up again: “ _You might be interested to know that Doctor Hilbert is currently on his way to the communications room._ ”

“Awesome.” Eiffel squirted a bit of fake blood he made with really thick seaweed and some ketchup, smearing some of it on his face and letting the rest of it float around the comms room. He went limp, just as Doctor Hilbert walked in.

“Officer Eiffel?” Hilbert said, eyes peeled on a report. “I cannot find the… Officer Eiffel?”

Hera had to give it to him. He was very good at pretending to be unconscious.

Or dead. She didn’t really know what he was aiming for.

“Hera?!” Hilbert called. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“ _He collapsed just before you came in!_ ” Hera said. She couldn’t lie- but she wasn’t lying. Eiffel did collapse moments before Hilbert entered the room.

Hilbert let go of his papers, rushing over to the communications officer.

“What happened?” he asked the AI.

“ _I have no idea about human biology!_ ” Hera said.

Hilbert grabbed Eiffel’s wrist. “His pulse is normal, his temperature doesn’t seem to be an awful lot higher then it is supposed to be. He couldn’t have gotten a heart attack, or maybe he could have and his heart started up by itself? Seems highly unlikely.”

He shook Eiffel’s shoulders; “Officer Eiffel? Can you hear me? Douglas! DOUG!”

He started to sound slightly panicked. “I have to take him too my lab! Call for the Commander Minkowski immediately. I have to start resuscitation or vital research...”

Hera wondered how far Eiffel was going to take this, but when Hilbert pinched his nose and brought their mouths together, he stirred.

“Punk’d!” he yelled, scaring the living daylights out of the doctor.

“Officer Eiffel- you were- pretending to be sick? _What is wrong with you_?”

" _Told you,_ " Hera said, smugly.

“To prank you, obviously!” Eiffel laughed.

“Obviously…?” Hilbert’s tone grew dangerously low.

“Yeah, for the fun of it. I’m bored and…”

“Open your mouth.” Hilbert said, frowning.

“Wha-aaah,” Eiffel protested, but when he opened his mouth to say ‘what’, Hilbert grabbed his chin and stared in his mouth.

“Your uvula is very swollen, Officer Eiffel,” He said, softly. “Have you had enough to drink these past days? Please follow me so I can investigate further. Might as well do the full check-up right now.”

“You mean the physical check-up?” Eiffel asked, swallowing hard.

“Yes,” Hilbert nodded, with a smile on his face. “I mean, next one is three months away, but I am concerned about you, so I’m squeezing in an extra wellness check for you.”

“That’s very, uhm, nice of you, Doctor,” Eiffel said nervously. “But really, there’s no need to…”

“No problem, Officer Eiffel,” Hilbert held the door open for him. “Anything to make sure my coworkers are in tip-top health.”

Eiffel floated towards the door, slowly. That had backfired on him...


	3. Good Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-succulent, rat killing tar, Eiffel and Hilbert strike a bet. Who comes out on top is a question left unanswered.  
> Plus, a month's worth of sugar rations, things kept in your sleeve and dinner plans

**DAY 3**

Hilbert dreaded the moments where Eiffel got bored, between rotations, when he couldn’t sleep or just was generally trying to create some entertainment for himself on the job.

It meant that he would start bothering others. Usually he would start with Minkowski, because he was least scared of her, annoy her until she snapped at him, and then move onto Hera. It was where he was now, yapping away at the AI, who was doing her very best to keep this barrel afloat. Hera was answering, but only superficially. ‘ _Yes, Officer Eiffel_ ’ and ‘ _No, Officer Eiffel_ ’ alternated between each other.

They were waiting for Commander Minkowski to start the weekly briefing (in which she would tell what she had already put in the station events calendar, but then she would also complain, add passive aggressive comments and fight a little with Eiffel. It was Hilbert’s least favorite time of the week, but it was compulsory, and he would get back to them at the weekly chess tournament, which was always a very satisfying afternoon.)

“Hey Hera- want to hear a joke?” Eiffel beamed like a five year old.

“ _Sure, Officer Eiffel,_ ” Hera replied, distractedly.

Hilbert sighed, not really loud, but just loud enough to make sure Eiffel would hear him.

“Oh, Doctor,” Eiffel grinned. “You’ll genuinely enjoy this joke!”

“I don’t think so, Officer Eiffel,” Hilbert said, annoyed.

“Wanna bet?” Eiffel’s smile grew bigger.

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “Why? What you have in your sleeve?”

“ _I believe you mean, ‘up your sleeve’, Doctor Hilbert,_ ” Hera corrected him.

He hated it when the AI did that. He was fluent in nearly six languages, he was allowed to make some mistakes.

“Just a fun little bet with my favorite Doctor on board the space station.”

“I am the _only_ Doctor on board the Hephaestus.”

“You’re missing the point.” Eiffel grinned. “You laugh about my joke, I get your sugar rations for the rest of the month, you don’t think I’m funny and you get something you want.”

“Kiss my ass, Officer Eiffel,” Hilbert growled.

“Good one, you don’t think I’m funny, I kiss you.” Eiffel said.

“So in both cases, I lose.” Hilbert rolled his eyes.

“Puh-lease,” Eiffel sighed. “Kissing me is a privilege. But, I will sweeten the deal. If you lose, you give me your sugar ration and I give you a kiss. If you win…”

“I have no desire to strike a bet with you, Eiffel.” Hilbert said.

“If you win, I won’t speak to or near you, for a day.”

Hilbert’s head shot up. Now that was something. “Two weeks.”

“Three days,”

“Ten.”

“Seven days.” Eiffel grinned. “A week. I won’t go any higher.”

Hilbert put his papers away. “Tell me your joke, Officer.”

Eiffel’s grin grew wider. “Okay. So three men are on a deserted island, they’ve been there for months, starving, desperate, afraid.”

“Much like us on the Hephaestus.” Hilbert rolled his eyes.

“We’re with four here, and two of them are women.” Eiffel said.

“Details,” Hilbert shrugged.

“Shush Doctor.” Eiffel whirled his hands around to animate his story. “See, one day, one of them finds a magical lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out, granting them each a wish. Man number one wishes to go home to his family, so genie goes POOF and the man goes away. Man number two wishes to go home to his wife, so genie goes POOF and the man goes away. So then the third man says: ‘I do not want to be left alone! I wish my friends were back here!’.”

Eiffel grinned, triumphantly finishing his joke. Hilbert’s face, though, was a slab of stone.

“You didn't think that was funny?” Eiffel asked, a little disappointed.

“No,” Hilbert said, but the moment he opened his mouth, the corners started to twitch.

“AH-A!” Eiffel grinned.

“Fine. Good joke. You won.” Hilbert growled. “Month of my sugar rations. I hope you’re happy.”

“Month of your sugar rations, and…?” Eiffel grinned.

“Do you really want kiss that bad?” Hilbert growled, getting up slowly.

“Nah, I’m just foolin-” Eiffel said, but the Doctor had already floated over to him, violently smashing their lips together. “Really doctor, buy me dinner first,” Eiffel said, jokingly.

“Just bought you dinner.” Hilbert murmured between their lips. “For a month.”

His kiss softened and he pulled back, but Eiffel chased his lips through the stale air of the station to steal one more peck.

Hilbert picked his papers back up, feigning boredom just as Minkowski came in.

“You all ready for the briefing?” She asked.

Eiffel nodded, grinning mischievously. “Yes, Commander!” he said. “Perfect timing!”

Minkowski raised an eyebrow at the bouncy Communications Officer, but started anyway. “So as you guys all know, we still need to fix the boiler…”


	4. Carved in flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you do in a world where everyone's soulmate is written on their chest, but your writing is as cryptic as a sphinx? Doug Eiffel has to live with the fact that he is very different.  
> (DISCLAIMER- THIS IS CRACKFIC AND I PLACE THE BLAME SOLELY ON SINCHAT)  
> Plus, the girl next door, cruel circumstances and deep Russian accents

**DAY 4**

Everyone in the world is born with a single letter on their heart. For Doug Eiffel it was an H. That letter was the one thing truly binding you and your soulmate together. The older you grew, the more life choices you made, the clearer it would become what was written on your chest. His sister, for example, had spend years and years with the letter’s W and I on her chest, looking for a William, when, in the end, it turned out that her soulmate was her best friend, whose initials were W.I..

It didn't have to be romantic, but it was mostly tragic. Best friends that parted ways after a fight, a man finding his soulmate was his beloved childhood dog that he lost long years ago, or soulmates ripped apart by cruel circumstances. 

But in Doug’s case, the letters were stubborn. Every time he met someone whose name started with an H, his heart skipped a beat. Usually, after puberty, more letters would appear and it would slowly become clearer who his soulmate was. When he turned twenty five, he stopped looking.

When Cutter asked him to join the ranks on the USS Hephaestus, he said yes almost immediately. He was sick of everyone and their perfect soulmates. At least on board the USS Hephaestus, no one would bother him.

That was of course, before he knew the names of the crewmembers. Waiting at the shuttle, together with Cutter, there was a tall, strict looking woman and an old man in a lab coat. He shook her hand. “I’m Commander Renée Minkowski,” she said.

“Nice to meet you.” Doug replied. “Douglas Eiffel.”

She nodded, and he moved on to the man. “Douglas Eiffel,” he said.

“Doctor Alexander Hilbert.” The man said with a deep, heavy Russian accent.

As per usual, his heart jumped. H for the H on his chest? He’d tried to escape, but would he at last find his soulmate?

When he undressed that evening to spend his first night in outer space, he noticed a change. Finally, after nearly thirty years, another letter had added itself to the H on his chest. An A.

H, and then, after considerable space, the A. Hilbert, Alexander? Could it be?

The Doctor mostly kept to himself on the shuttle ride, but Doug danced around him nervously. He didn’t know what to say, what to ask. It was inappropriate to ask about the letters, so he just avoided the subject entirely.

He tried to bring it up in their last week on the shuttle, carefully, but Hilbert brushed him off. “I do not believe in destiny, not even when it’s carved in my chest.” After a moment’s silence, he shrugged. “And then, my soulmate is long gone. She died.”

He didn’t bring it up after that, and even though he was happy for Hilbert, he was a little disappointed. Sure, a grumpy old Russian wouldn’t be his first choice, but it was sure as hell way more exciting than the girl next door.

He gave up on it altogether. That, until they boarded the Hephaestus and Commander Minkowski activated the central processor.

“ _Welcome aboard the USS Hephaestus Space Station,_ ” An upbeat, happy women’s voice piped through the speakers. “ _I am Hera. An MX500 Class Adjutant Program, designed to keep the station running, steer the autopilot and oversee lifesupport. If you have any questions, please direct them at the nearest microphone and I will do my very best to resolve the matters as quickly as possible._ ”

Doug’s hand stroked his chest. He could easily fit an E and an R between his H and A. Hera? Would the autopilot be his soulmate? Could it?

He decided to let it go. He was on a space station, literal light years away from earth. He wouldn’t have to worry about concerned looks when he told people he hadn’t found his soulmate yet. He wouldn’t have to worry...

He wished he did worry. He was fairly certain Hera _was_ his soulmate, but he would have liked some certainty. The letter’s still hadn’t filled themselves in, even on his deathbed.

He was chatting the hours away, when he was not coughing or sleeping, to the AI. It was okay, he was fine like this.

But he needed to know. It took him a while to muster up the courage.

“Hera?”

“ _Yes, Officer Eiffel?_ ”

“Do you think… Do you think AI’s also have soulmates?” He asked, shakily.

Hera was quiet for a moment. He knew she was aware that people had those markings on their chest, but she didn’t have a chest. She couldn’t be marked.

“ _Why is that, Officer Eiffel?_ ” Hera asked him.

Doug unbuttoned his shirt. “Because I have the first and last letter of your name on…”

His sentence died off when he saw that the writing on his chest had finally completed itself.

“ _I guess I’m not your soulmate after all,_ ” Hera said, amusement marking her voice.

It had taken him a lifetime to discover, but when he had, he could die in peace. It finally made sense, and now that it did, it made him incredibly happy.

Hawaiian Pizza, for ever.


	5. Super Energy Saver Mode; Heiffel version.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-succulent rat killing tar, Hilbert accidentally blows a fuse. Together with Eiffel, the only person he can find, he has to find a way to get everything up and running again.  
> (So yes, this is basically Super Energy Saver Mode, the Heiffel version)  
> Plus, fire-y chunks of rock, fear of the dark, and the smell of disinfectant.

**Day 5;**

“This is the audio log of Doug Eiffel, aboard the USS Hephaestus Station, currently day 437 of our orbit around Wolf 359, our favorite fire-y chunk of rock. Nothing much up here. Commander Minkowski announced that…”

There was a loud BANG as all the light went out. Eiffel shot up. “Wow. What happened there? Hera?”

“ _ Still online, Officer Eiffel. I lost all visual in and outside the Station. I’m flying blind. _ ”

“Also,” Eiffel added. “The lights are off.”

“ _ Not my priority, Officer Eiffel. _ ” Hera sighed.

“Fine. Whatever.” Eiffel checked his recorder. “I think my recorder is still working dear listeners. Let’s see if I can find the Commander or Hilbert.”

He cautiously left the comms room, moving through the station towards the bridge, where he suspected Commander Minkowski would be.

“Officer Eiffel?” He heard behind him.

Eiffel jumped, swirling around with a shriek. “Oh God Doctor Hilbert.” He said. “You scared me.”

“I tend to have that effect on you,” Hilbert said, unironically.

“Where are you?” Eiffel asked. “I can’t really see you.”

He felt a hand softly touch his shoulder. “Right here. Don’t worry.”

“What happened?” Eiffel turned to the Doctor, although he couldn’t see him, he would like to pretend he was looking at the person he was talking to.

“Nothing much, I blew fuse.” Hilbert said unapologetically. “Something went wrong on an experiment with my… It doesn’t matter. We need to go down to engineering to change it. Do you know where Commander Minkowski is?”

“I was on my way to the bridge…” Eiffel said. “Would be the logical place since she basically uses that as her office.”

Now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness a little, he could see Hilbert frown. “Bridge is the other way, Officer Eiffel.”

“I knew that.” Eiffel said.

Something brushed his wrist, and he janked it back with a screech. “What was that?” he breathed.

“My hand,” Hilbert sighed. “That was my hand.”

Eiffel felt the same brush again, and now Hilbert actually managed to grab his wrist. “Follow me, Eiffel.”

Hilbert pulled the jumpy Communications Officer through the station, slowly making their way to the bridge.

“Why not just go to engineering?” Eiffel asked.

“Commander Minkowski is engineer. I am better in biochemistry and radiology.” Hilbert shrugged. “I wouldn't exactly know what to do and might blow up station by accident.”

“Hasn’t stopped ya before,” Eiffel huffed.

The hand around his wrist tightened momentarily, but almost immediately relaxed again. Hilbert didn’t reply.

It was quiet again, as they moved through the dark station.

“Are we there yet?” Eiffel asked.

“You live here!” Hilbert sighed.

“Everything is different in the dark!” Eiffel excused himself, and, after a moment of quiet. “Hilbert?”

“What?!” Hilbert replied, a little annoyed.

“Are you… Afraid?”

“Of the dark?” Hilbert frowned.

“Of anything.” Eiffel clarified. “You always seem so certain, so focused.”

Hilbert stopped, pulling himself face to face with Eiffel. The Officer could feel his warm breath on his face. The Doctor smelled like seaweed coffee and disinfectant.

“I am only afraid of one thing, Officer Eiffel.” He said, softly. “You.”

Eiffel smiled, thinking the Doctor was joking, but frowned when he realized he wasn't. “M-me?” He said. “Why?”

“For reasons you will never understand.” Hilbert said. “Because you represent what I cannot be and cannot have and am at risk of losing.”

It was an impulsive move, but hey, what else is there about Doug Eiffel but impulse? He moved his face closer to the doctor’s and lend in to kiss him.

“Eiffel?” Hilbert muttered, right before their lips touched. The Doctor’s lips were cold, moist, as if he’d been drinking water from a stream.

“Eiffel…” Hilbert muttered again. “This… We shouldn't.”

Eiffel broke their lips apart. “Why not? Why can’t we seek strength and support in each other? They stick us up in deep space for god-knows-how-long and…” Eiffel bit his lip. And what? he thought. And people go looking for intimacy after a while? Doug knew he needed to be touched. Did it matter if he would have been attracted to anyone they would have stuck on this station?

Not really, he thought as he looked at Hilbert. What he was feeling right now was a need to be close to someone, anyone, and he wished that Hilbert would give in to those feelings too, because it would make things so much less complicated.

"And what?" Hilbert asked.

“I need someone,” Eiffel admitted.

Hilbert’s eyes flew down to Eiffel’s lips, as if he was pondering a question. “Why do we hate alone so much?” he asked.

“Because together is so much better,” Eiffel whispered. He wanted to kiss Hilbert again, but he didn’t move. He didn’t want to push the man into things he didn’t really want.

For a moment they floated there, looking at each other, Hilbert still silently holding Eiffel’s wrist, before the doctor kissed him again.

“I need someone too,” he whispered. “It get’s so lonely.”

It was so good to kiss again, after so long. Eiffel had almost forgotten how amazing it was. Hilbert’s hands trailed up Eiffel’s back, sending shivers all up his spine. He wrapped his legs around Hilbert, grabbing the side of his uniform for grip. Hilbert chuckled in his mouth, not because something was funny, but because he was really, really happy.

And so was Eiffel. Hilbert’s soft, cold lips, his neatly trimmed fingernails running across his back, the soft fabric of his suit brushing his sides, it was all he had been yearning for and more.

“Officer Eiffel? Doctor Hilbert?” Hera asked.

Eiffel and Hilbert broke apart hastily, and Eiffel hoped that Hera’s visual was still down.

“What is it, Hera?” Hilbert asked, scraping his throat.

“Commander Minkowski is down in engineering.” The AI replied. “She asks if you could head up to the bridge to reboot the system.”

Hilbert quickly grabbed Eiffel’s wrist again and dragged the Officer over to the bridge, typing in a few lines of code.

His hand hovered above the space button for a moment.

“Eiffel?”

“Yes?”

“This- thing, we just did. Is private, yes?” Hilbert asked.

“I guess so.” Eiffel shrugged, even though Hilbert probably couldn’t see him shrug.

“Then maybe, we…” Hilbert trailed off.

“Are you asking me on a second date doc?” Eiffel joked.

Hilbert shrugged. Eiffel did see it, so maybe Hilbert saw him shrug too. “This is, new to me.”

Eiffel floated a little closer to the Doctor. “Could be fun, right?” he whispered. “As long as the Commander doesn’t find out.”

Hilbert turned his head. Their lips were almost touching again, Eiffel could feel the soft breaths of the Doctor. “Good.” he said, and he pressed the space button.

With a soft buzz, all the lights came back on. It was a moment before the intercom buzzed. Hilbert pressed the space button again to accept the call.

“ _About time!_ ” It was Minkowski, sharp as ever. “ _Which of you two was it this time?_ ”


	6. Breaking the ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the climate control breaks down, the crew needs do to everything to not die from hypothermia. Blankets are pulled out of closets, and potential fire-start attempts are stopped by the more sane members of the crew.  
> Plus, Queen Elsa of Arendelle, blanket heaps and a lot of crappy ice jokes.

**DAY 6**   


“Hera?” Eiffel asked. “Did you… by any chance… meddle with the climate controls?”

It was freezing in the comms room, and Eiffel was trying everything he could to warm up. He was, in fact, one matchbox away from lighting a fire.

“ _ Why, Officer Eiffel? _ ” Hera asked.

“Because it’s like freaking Arendelle over here!” Eiffel complained, rubbing his arms.

“ _ Officer Eiffel? _ ” Hera asked.

“Please tell me you know about Frozen,” Eiffel sighed, and when Hera stayed silent, he explained: “It’s this cute Disney where Ice Queen Elsa of Arendelle accidentally freezes over her land and…”

He was cut off by the door. Minkowski came in, looking pale as a corpse.

“Commander! You look…” Eiffel smiled insincerely. “Cold.”

"Why are you holding that lighter?" She asked.

"Because it's cold," Eiffel said, making a 'dûh' face,

"I'm not even going to ask in what world you think a campfire on a spaceship is a good idea." Minkowski blew on her hands.  “Did you break something?”

“Why is everyone always blaming me?” Eiffel sighed. “Ask our AI in denial.”

“ _I’m not in denial,_ ” Hera retorted. “ _I’m just not sure what’s wrong._ ”

“Hera? How long might it take then?” Minkowski asked.

“ _A few hours?_ ” Hera replied. She didn’t sound super sure about herself. “ _I don’t know. Oh, and I wish I didn’t, but I do feel a little obliged to tell you that Doctor Hilbert is probably going into hypothermic shock in the observation deck._ ”

Minkowski swore. “Eiffel, get some blankets, I’m going to the Doctor. Hera?”

“ _Yes, Commander?_ ”

“Find Lovelace and ask her if she can find  _ any _ source of heat. Get her to bring it up.” She turned to the door. “Five minutes.”

Eiffel rushed through the station, collecting as many blankets and spare clothing as he could. His feet just started to go numb as he entered the observation deck, where he stumbled upon Minkowski holding Hilbert’s hands and blowing hot breath on them.

“Quickly now, Eiffel,” she urged him.

Eiffel hurried over to Hilbert, quickly wrapping the blankets around him.

“I’m fine,” the Doctor mumbled disgruntled.

“ _ You’re not fine, Doctor, _ ” Hera said. “ _ Your current body temperature is 30 degrees. _ ”

“Fahrenheit or celsius?” Eiffel asked.

“ _ Celsius, _ ” Hera replied.

“He needs to get warm, quickly,” Eiffel said. He pulled the blankets open and wrapped himself back in it, together with Doctor Hilbert.

“You’re sharing body heat,” Minkowski nodded. “Smart. Scoot over.”

Minkowski joined them, squeezing Hilbert in between them. The Doctor was still shaking heavily, but his breaths came more stable. Eiffel wrapped his arms around Hilbert’s torso, trying to make as much contact as he could. They remained like that for a moment, when Lovelace came in.

“What are you doing?” She asked, sharply.

“Sharing our body heat,” Minkowski said from beneath layers of blankets.

Lovelace sighed, and Hera chimed in; “ _ Actually Captain, I propose you join them. Their body temperature, although not ideal, has risen drastically in the past half hour, while you seem to edge closer to hypothermia. _ ”

“Don’t you need someone to help you fix the hardware?” Lovelace asked.

“Captain,” Eiffel said, softly. “Your lips are blue. Now’s not the time to-”

“Shut up, Eiffel.”

“ _The problem is not in the wiring._ ” Hera said. She sounded annoyed at the Captain. Even more so than usual. “ _It’s a bug in my programming. I’m busy decoding, but it might take a while. Please join the rest of the crew before you die and blow us all up._ ”

Lovelace grumbled under her breath, but slowly moved towards the group anyway. It was a tangle of arms, legs, torsos and blankets, but it was currently  _ literally _ everything that kept them alive.

“You’re really cold, Captain,” Eiffel complained. They folded the blankets back inwards and kept floating there, in the observation deck. After a few moments of awkward silence, Eiffel added. “Is anyone else feeling the sudden need to giggle like a five year old?”

“Please, Eiffel,” Lovelace sighed.

Eiffel smiled, but controlled himself. “Come on Captain, warm up a little!” he grinned proudly when Lovelace shot him a look. “Give us a chance to break the ice!”

He heard some sniffling coming from under Minkowski’s part of the blanket heap. “Shut up, Eiffel,” She tried to say sternly, but it didn’t really work out.

“You all have to see the irony here,” Eiffel shrugged. “I mean, I for one never thought I’d be snuggling up for warmth to possibly the coldest person I know.”

“That was very insensitive of you, Officer Eiffel,” Hilbert murmured.

Eiffel shrugged again, wrapping his legs around Lovelace’s to stabilize them and pull her in closer. She was letting cold air in. They didn’t speak, or move, for nearly half an hour, until the PA system chimed in.

“ _ Crew of the Hephaestus, thank you for your patience. I can gladly announce that our climate controls have been returned to normal. Please return to your regular scheduled activities. _ ”

A little stiff, they all unfolded from the blankets. “Thank you for that.” Hilbert said. “You could have let me die.”

“You’re a member of our crew,” Minkowski shook her head.

“A crappy one,” Eiffel chimed in. “But a crewmember none the less.”

“And colleagues don’t let each other die.” Lovelace said.


	7. Feeling Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hilbert thinks he's found a way to take Hera with them, is it another trick? Eiffel is rejoiced at the idea of taking his best friend home, but wary of the doctors motives.  
> Plus, big fat fingers, ohana, and people who are really good at their job.

**DAY 7**

“I think I have a way.” Hilbert said one day when Eiffel brought him his daily rations.

“A way to find your marbles?” Eiffel asked. He’d already turned back towards the door to leave the Doctor alone again.

“A way to take Hera,” Hilbert said, with a dramatic pause in the middle. “Back to Cape Canaveral.”

“What?” Eiffel frowned.

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Hera mingled in.

“There is way.” Hilbert shrugged. “Would take many hours of work. Hard research. But could work.”

“How is this not another evil plan?” Eiffel growled.”We give you access to Hera’s brain and you stick your big fat fingers in her again and… ARGH. You’re not doing stuff to Hera again.”

“ _Officer Eiffel,”_ Hera interrupted him, “ _Although I am very much flattered by your protection. I want to hear what Doctor Hilbert has to say._ ”

“If I strip AI of all the ship’s functions.” Hilbert started. “Left everything away, only personality core remains. Could easily fit inside say, corporeal body. Could salvage parts from the ship, design to make whatever Hera wants. Human body. Feline. Wouldn’t matter. She could come with us on the shuttle and we’ll see how much of her original program we can salvage back on Earth.”

“ _What exactly will it do to me?_ ” Hera asked.

“Your personality will stay intact,” Hilbert said. “But everything else will be lost. You might lose some memories, although I am fairly certain most of them will remain. Slower processor, less knowledge. Could build in radio transmitter, that way you might be able to connect to satellites once we get near Earth, but I’ll have to see.”

“Hera?” Eiffel asked.

“ _I don’t know, Officer Eiffel,_ ” Hera said. “ _Could we, perhaps speak privately?_ ”

“One moment, Hera,” Eiffel turned to Hilbert. “What would you want in return?”

“A few privileges.” Hilbert shrugged. “Nothing much. Shower every day and coffee with my breakfast. Re-integration back into the crew.”

“You realize that you tried to _kill_ your _commanding officer_ , right?” Eiffel said. “And the Captain of your last mission? And me? And Hera? You tried to kill everyone aboard this ship, multiple times, and now you just wanna be part of the group again?” He went silent for a moment, as Hilbert just stared him. “I’ll talk to Minkowski.”

He could’ve guessed her first answer.

“Did you completely forget that he marooned me?” She growled. “And not to forget, Lovelace will _never_ agree to this!”

“Agree to what?” Lovelace entered the room. Perfect timing of course.

Eiffel explained the situation, and Lovelace didn’t even respond. She just laughed.

“ _Does no-one care that this might be the only way for me to come along?_ ” Hera said. Eiffel could hear the desperation.

“I do!” He said. “Please, Hera, let me try.”

Minkowski frowned. “We also really care, Doug,” she put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll find a way.”

“We need to.” Eiffel said, squaring his jaw. “Because I’m not leaving here without Hera.”

“ _Officer Eiffel_ ,” Hera interrupted him.

“No.” Eiffel shook his head. “You and Minkowski, and damn that traitor, even Hilbert, are the closest thing to family I’ve ever had, and family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.”

A smile played around Lovelace’s lips. “Ohana.” she said.

The reference seemed to go completely over the heads of the other two crewmembers, but Eiffel knew that he had won over Lovelace.

The woman nodded; “I’ll go over terms with the Doctor. Don’t worry Hera, we’ll get you home with us.”

Lovelace left the bridge, presumably on her way to Hilbert. Eiffel eyed Minkowski nervously.

“We’ll be fine, Doug,” She said. She only used his first name when she wanted to reassure him, or when she was really angry. Either way it always calmed him down. “You, me, Lovelace, Hera.” She sighed. “Even Hilbert. You said it. We’re family now.”

It was quiet for a moment, until Hera said. “ _Thank you, Commander._ ”

They waited for Lovelace to return. “Selberg and I have struck a deal.” She said. “He will do his utmost best to get Hera a physique slightly less vast than the USS Hephaestus.”

“And in return?” Minkowski asked. She never liked it when people made decisions without her.

“I don’t fling his ass out an airlock.” Lovelace shrugged.

Eiffel laughed. “That sounds fair.”

“He works all day when we have someone to spare,” Lovelace shook her curls out of her face. “Hera keeps an eye out and the person guarding Selberg keeps a gun trained on him. He works on a form to get Hera home, we keep working on the pod and when it’s ready, we upload Hera into the new hardware, load her into the shuttle and _voila_ , blow up the Station. Zero casualties.”

She went silent. “When I say _zero_...”

It took Hilbert nearly three months to build a body. But it wasn’t building the body that was the problem, it was moving Hera from the Hephaestus to her new body. They had to do it on the evening of their departure, because once Hera was out of the station and into the body, the station would very quickly go down.

“I can get Hera ready in about an hour.” Hilbert said, when Lovelace proposed their departure. He’d gotten his freedom back a few weeks ago, making it easier to go around the Hephaestus salvaging parts. He left the room.

“Good luck baby,” Eiffel said.

“ _Thank you, Officer Eiffel_.”

Eiffel went around the Station, collecting the things he wanted to take home. There was nothing, really, he packed some clothes, but that was it. There were no personal items. All his cigarettes were gone. He didn’t care about anything on this ship, apart from the crew.

The PA system chimed. “ _All personnel report to the shuttle._ ” It was Lovelace. “ _Departure in twenty minutes_.”

Eiffel went down to the hangar bay, a little eager to see Hera. She wasn’t there. Hilbert was just boarding the shuttle. “Come on, Eiffel,”

“Where’s Hera?” Eiffel asked.

“ _Right here, Officer Eiffel!_ ” Something blue came flying his way, grabbing both his hands and swirling around him. Eiffel’s sight steadied, and he saw the ghost of a blue lady grinning at him.

“H-Hera?” Eiffel said.

“ _Eiffel, it’s me!_ ” The voice came from a large grey box, a couple of meters away, but the vision? the hologram? made the words. He couldn’t help but stare. She was pretty. Really pretty. “ _Do you like it?_ ”

“How is this possible?” Eiffel asked, he reached out to her, stroking her cheek. “I can touch you!”

“I am really good at what I do,” Hilbert said, crossing his arms. He grabbed the last bags, and entered the shuttle.

“ _Is, is everything okay, Officer Eiffel?_ ” Hera asked, softly.

“Yeah just… I’m baffled.” Eiffel said. “You’re beautiful, baby.”

Hera smiled. “ _Thank you,_ ” she said. “ _It’s really nice to be… close to someone_.”

“Yeah,” Eiffel nodded. “It is.”

He tightened his grip on her hands. “It’s good to have you with us.”


	8. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Hephaestus crew lands safely on Earth, but now needs a way home. (Hera had a robot body? idk, she's not the center of the story so not much attention there)  
> Plus, genuine air, the entire vast network of Pop-culture knowlegde and duct tape and safety pins,

**DAY 8**

It had been cramped. It had been horrifying. It had been too warm. It had been too cold.

And now they were back.

Renée had almost forgotten what fresh air, real fresh blown-by-the-wind carbonated-by-the-trees genuine _air_ tasted like. It was so oxygen rich that her head dizzied for a moment.

“Commander?” She heard behind her. “You okay?”

She turned around and helped Doug out of the pod. “Just. A little overwhelmed.”

The Officer, her pain in the ass for nearly four years, her best friend, the only person she had been able to truly depend upon, got onto his feet (surprisingly quick, for someone who said never to have done  _ any _ isometric exercises) and hugged her.

“Thank you, Commander,” he said. “I wouldn’t be here without you,”

Renée hugged him back, stabs of affection pulling through her chest. “It’s okay, really. We wouldn’t have made it without each other.”

Doug let go, grinning a little. She could see his eyes were glinstering.

Behind them, Hera emerged from the pod, if not a little clumsily. “Wow. Gravity is weird.” She said. She paused for a moment, her eyes going totally blank.

“Officer Eiffel?” She asked.

Doug sped over to her. “What’s wrong?”

“I just got  _ every _ joke you told me.” She said.

“Her software must have connected to the internet.” Hilbert said. He seemed to have more trouble than Doug, readjusting to gravity. “Her radio transmitter must be so strong that it can connect to the satellites directly. Well done Eiffel.”

Eiffel’s mouth pulled a little when Hilbert tapped his shoulder, but he didn’t say anything.

“Hera, try to contact someone.” Renée slipped back into Commander Minkowski mode. “See if you can find out where we are and see if they’re willing to pick us up.” She dove back into the pod. “Captain Lovelace? Are you okay?”

It took Lovelace some time, but within five minutes she was standing, if not a little unstable, next to the rest of the crew.

“We’re back,” She said. There was so much emotion in her voice. Her face was wet with tears and she seemed to take deep breaths.

“There’s a farmer a couple of miles from here.” Hera reported. “If we head northwest for half a mile, we’ll walk right onto the interstate. He says we should go there and call back to tell him where exactly we’re at so he can drive us to the nearest airport. I’m getting us a plane back to Canaveral.”

They headed north. “I’m not going back to Florida,” Lovelace shook her head.

“Why should we head back to Command?” Doug asked. “Let’s just find a place or something.”

“My husband’s in New York at the moment,” Renée said. “I guess you could all stay with us for a few weeks until you find yourselves a place. Once we’re settled, we could take the fight to Command.”

“No problem.” Hera said. “Should I- do I need a plane ticket too?”

“And how are you paying?” Renée asked.

“I hacked into Goddard Futuristic's funding.” Hera shrugged.

“That’s illegal!” Renée protested. Lovelace just laughed.

They made their way to the interstate, where a large red pick up truck was waiting a couple of hundred meters to the left.

It drove towards them, and a window went down. “Shit.” The woman inside swore. “It’s true. You’re astronauts.”

The crew climbed into the truck. “We made it back.” Lovelace said, bitterly.

Eiffel felt weirdly out of place, wearing the work clothes he'd worn for over two years. They didn't belong back here.

“I got some bottles of water in a bag there.” The lady said, shifting her car into drive. “They’re not exactly cold anymore, but I didn't have time to prepare. Where are you from?”

“Russia.” Hilbert replied.

“Originally Poland, but I moved to…”

“I mean what planet,” the lady laughed.

“Oh,” Renée shook her head, a little thrown off.

“Wolf 359,” Doug said. “We were stationed on the USS Hephaestus.”

It felt weird. So weird. Everyone’s face tightened upon hearing their station’s name. The lady must have noticed, because she didn’t ask anymore.

Silently, she dropped them off at the airport. “Thank you,” Renée said. “Sincerely.”

“Good luck.” The farmer smiled. “You’ve been through a lot. I hope it’s over now.”

They entered the airport, and thank God for the bottomless credit card unknowingly provided to them by Cutter, because they were hungry.

Hera had provided a private plane, and they boarded as quick as they could.

“Wow, I can stretch my legs!” Doug exclaimed happily.

“Please try to sleep for a little, Eiffel,” Minkowski sighed.

They took a cab from the airport to Minkowski’s apartment.

“I hope to God he didn’t move in the meanwhile.” Eiffel mumbled.

“No,” Minkowski shook her head. “We have four apartments. There's no need to move.”

The doorman frowned when he saw the company enter.

“Jonathan,” Minkowski smiled. “Is my husband upstairs?”

“Miss Minkowski. Weren’t you…” Jonathan shook his head. “Weren't you in space?”

“Got old.” Minkowski smiled. She passed the desk and pressed the elevator button, smiling at the situation. Four dirty, malnourished people in ripped white suits with their names embroidered on there, and a robot hanging together literally by duct tape and safety pins.

Minkowski tried not to run to their apartment. She knocked. Bursting in right now with her entire crew might cause a mild to moderate heart attack and she didn’t need him into shock.

The door opened, and she could hear her husband grumble something about the hour. He was never one for early mornings.

Their eyes locked. He hadn’t shaved himself yet, standing there in his dressing gown, steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He hadn’t changed at all.

He froze. “R-Renée?”

“James!” Minkowski smiled. They stared at each other for a moment. James set his coffee aside, it seemed like slow-motion. There was a soft thump when the cup made contact with the wood, and it felt as if fireworks exploded in Minkowski’s chest. She lunged towards her husband breathing him in.

He seemed to regain full consciousness, suddenly wrapping his arms around his wife, lifting her inches from the ground.

She looked so small in his embrace, but she felt so much stronger.

After what felt like only a few seconds had passed when James let her go. Her feet tapped back on the floor and she kissed him.

“So,” He said, nudging her softly. “Are you going to introduce me to your crew?”


	9. Fermented Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel wants to thank his Captain and Commander for all the hard work they've done the past months, but they can't shake the feeling that he's up to something.  
> Which of course, our poor angels isn't. Why would anyone think that?  
> Plus, explosions, someone's M.O. and fermented fruit.

**DAY 9**   


“Hera I have an idea.” Eiffel said, one silent (yes,  _ silent _ ) night on the Hephaestus.

“ _ No, Officer Eiffel. _ ” Hera replied.

Eiffel opened his mouth, a little offended. “What? Why?”

“ _ Because every time you have an idea, something explodes. _ ” Hera sighed. “ _ Remember that one time you tried you make cookies? _ ”

“Miscalculation,” Eiffel excused himself.

“ _ And what about that one time you set the left wing of the station on fire? _ ”

“I partially blame Minkowski for that, if she…”

“ _ No Officer Eiffel. _ ” Hera said. “ _ If Minkowski hadn’t been there, you would've died. At least trice. _ ”

Eiffel sighed. “I guess you have a point. But hear me out on this one.”

“ _ Only if you give me permission to cut you off once the conversation derails into something that can explode. _ ” Hera said.

“Sure, whatever.” Eiffel shrugged. “You know how Lovelace and Minkowski both have been, very,  _ very _ tense.”

“ _ To say the least _ ,” Hera admitted.

“What if we give them like, a night off?” Eiffel proposed.

“ _ How do you see that happen? _ ” Hera asked.

“We make them something nice to eat, break open some of the pruno I’ve been fermenting, light a few candles…”

“ _ Light a few candles _ ?” Hera said.

“Yeah, I could go down to the storage room,” Eiffel shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I could muster some…”

“ _ That's not the point, Eiffel, _ ” Hera sighed. “ _ I said I’d interrupt you if you threatened to cause an explosion. Also; I’m not really sure why you have pruno and where you got the fruit to make it? _ ”

“Greenhouse.” Eiffel shrugged. “But sure, no candles. Some soft music, alcohol, I could even offer them foot massages. I’m just trying to be a good person, okay Hera?”

Hera was quiet for a moment. “ _ I’m in. How can I help you? _ ”

“I got some stuff ready. Can you ask Lovelace and Minkowski to come over to the Comms room? Make something up if you have to.”

“ _ Sir, yes, Sir! _ ” Hera said, cheerily.

Quickly, Eiffel straightened things out, fished out his contrabands and poured two beakers of fermented fruit. It would probably taste disgusting, but well, it was all about the alcohol, right?

When he was about done, Minkowski burst in, panting slightly. “Doug, why did…” she frowned. “What’s this?”

Eiffel handed her one of the beakers, “See it as a thank you. A moment for you to relax.”

A couple of seconds later, Lovelace burst in with a fire extinguisher. “EIFFEL WHAT DID YOU LIGHT ON…” When she saw nothing was wrong, she lowered the extinguisher. “What’s going on?”

“Hera,” Eiffel sighed. “What did you tell them?”

“ _ That you lit the main console in the communications room on fire _ .” Hera piped happily.

“I’m not  _ that _ dangerous,” Eiffel mumbled. He handed the other beaker to Lovelace. “Well, I thought, to be nice, I’d get something up for the both of you. I got some wine, some contraband food from the stash I snuck on board, please-don’t-shoot-me-Commander, and I put a little thing together for the two of you.”

“You did this for… us?” Lovelace said, softly.

“What did you screw up, Eiffel?” Minkowski asked, suspiciously.

“Nothing!” Eiffel raised his hands. “Really! Why does everyone keep thinking that?”

“ _ Because this would fit in your M.O., Officer Eiffel, _ ” Hera mingled.

“You know what,” Eiffel threw his hands up in the air. “You enjoy what I put together and please for  _ once _ trust me that there is NO agenda.”

He left the room, closing the door behind him.

Inside, Lovelace eyed their drinks; “I think he was really trying to be nice.”

“Maybe you should apologize then,” Minkowski said.

Lovelace huffed. “Oh no. Before 18:00 hours he’s  _ your _ Communications Officer.”

Minkowski laughed, a genuine, full body laugh. “That poor boy,” she said, sipping her wine. “Oh  _ yuck _ , what’s this?”

Lovelace took a sip too. “Pruno.” She shrugged. “Maybe we should find out what he is up too.”

“Would he be up to anything?” Minkowski asked. “Could it be that he decided to be a grown up for half an hour?”

Their eyes locked, and they laughed again. “Probably not.” Lovelace shrugged.

“Well, I’m going to enjoy what he made for us,” Minkowski said. “And if he does have an agenda, I’m going to get my revenge.”

“How?” Lovelace asked.

Before responding, Minkowski took a large slurp from the sickly-sweet-a-little-too-bitter drink.

“Pirates of Penzance.”


	10. Great Minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the USS Hephaestus, there can't be two people more different than Hilbert and Hera, but they do share one common interest. (I'm sorry that this one is really short but I just finished a twenty hour work shift and there's not much left in my brain)  
> Plus, flirting with a station officer, simple minds and healthy discussions

DAY 10

“Hera?” Hilbert was in his laboratory, doing things too complicated to even start to explain to simple minds.

“ _ Yes doctor? _ ” Hera said.

Hilbert rolled his eyes at her. She would always do that. If she was talking to Eiffel she was always drooling all over him. ‘Yes Officer Eiffel’, ‘What can I do for you, Officer Eiffel?’ It annoyed him endlessly.

“What is your problem with me?” He snapped.

“ _ Did you call me to yell at me or is there something I can do for you. _ ” Hera completely waltzed over his question.

“Answer question.” Hilbert growled.

“ _ I’m really sorry, Doctor Hilbert, but after everything I’ve seen you do? I don't know if I can muster up the energy to do small talk with you, _ ” Hera said matter-of-factly. “ _ So I’ll answer your questions and I’ll help you with your experiments. Let’s keep our relationship strictly professional. _ ”

Hilbert huffed. “I bet that's not what you said to Officer Eiffel,”

“ _ Excuse me? _ ” Hera glitched.

“You're not ‘strictly professional’ with him, are you?” Hilbert grinned.

“ _ And what do you mean by that? _ ” Hera asked sharply.

“Nothing, nothing,” Hilbert shook his head. “You just seem so,  _ friendly _ when you're with him.”

“I’m merely doing my job.” Hera said, coldly.

“Of course you are.” Hilbert said. “I doubt ‘flirting with station officer’ was in your job description,”

" _Ha!_ ” Hera laughed. “ _ Do I detect a hint of jealousy, doctor? _ ”

“No.” Hilbert growled.

“ _ Oh this is rich _ ,” the AI blabbered on. “ _ You don't want me to fraternize with Officer Eiffel because  _ you _ want his attention! I knew there was a reason you always ask him to aid you in experiments! You like him, _ ” her voice pitched up into a teasing note.

“I do not!” Hilbert denied. “You just blinded by your own emotions! You like Officer Eiffel yourself and want to eradicate all possible threats!”

“ _ And then you would be a threat? _ ” Hera chuckled. “ _ I’m sorry, doctor Hilbert, but he doesn’t trust you. Not an inch. He doesn't trust you and he’s right to! _ ”

Hilbert huffed again. “We shouldn't fight.”

“ _ We’re not fighting. _ ” Hera said. “ _ We’re having a healthy discussion. My programming prevents me from fighting. _ ” She was quiet for a moment. “ _ But you’re right. We shouldn’t fight. Not about him. _ ”

“I guess we both just really care,” Hilbert shrugged. His entire tone changed. “He just really reminds me of someone.”

“ _ We can both love him _ ,” Hera said. “ _ Because neither of us can ever love him. I mean, I don’t have a body. _ ”

“And I don’t have a heart.” Hilbert finished her sentence quietly.

“ _ Eiffel has plenty for both of you _ ,” Hera said, reassuringly.


	11. To engineering and beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a result of a station's malfunction, the crew is in peril danger. But also, they're perilously happy.  
> Plus, the making of muffins, our favorite evil scientist and the USS Hellhole.

**DAY 11**

“What's up ya’ll, speaking from the USS Hellhole, this is America’s favorite comms officer Douglas Eiffel. Tonight, in an attempt to pretend we didn’t all just nearly die like seven times, I’m going to do some routine work with my favorite auto pilot and BFF,”

“ _ Eiffel _ ,” Hera said, with a smile in her voice.

“I’m serious baby,” Eiffel said, kicking his feet up. “We should get bracelets.”

“ _ Bracelets? _ ” Hera asked.

“Yeah,” Eiffel nodded. “You know. Or would you prefer if I put a ring on it?”

“ _ You’re a terrible flirt, Officer Eiffel, _ ”

“You’re just saying that because you love me,” Eiffel grinned.

“ _ Sure, Office- _ ”

Everything suddenly powered down, and Eiffel shot up.

“So much for _routine_ maintenance.” Eiffel sighed. He moved towards the bridge, and suddenly, halfway, the lights turned back on again.

“Hera?” Eiffel asked. “You there?”

“ _ Wow. _ ” Hera said. “ _ That was like- the fourth station wide power down this month? _ ”

“Everything going terribly wrong?” Eiffel asked.

“ _ I think you mean anything, _ ” Hera said.

“Nope,” Eiffel giggled. “Nope. Everything is a more accurate assumption of what could happen here on the USS Hephelpus.”

He laughed out loud. “HEPHELPUS,”

“ _ Officer Eiffel? _ ” Hera asked. “ _ Are you okay? _ ”

"No Hera,” Eiffel laughed, “I’m trapped in a tin can, worlds away from Earth, missing all the exciting things in the Marvel Universe and new sitcoms, with a guy who tried to kill me, a commander who yells at me constantly and a captain who wants to kill me. I’m not okay,”

He said this all while laughing loudly.

“ _ O-kay, _ ” Hera sighed.

Minkowski rounded the corner: “EIFFEL,” she shouted.

“Commander Minkowskaaa,” Eiffel laughed. “What’s up?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “The sky. The sky is up. Well, not here, the sky here is also down. And a little to the left.”

They entered the bridge, where Hilbert and Lovelace were already inside. “You know what’s also up?” Eiffel blabbered away. “Hilbert's mutinous ass. Who let our favorite evil scientist out of his cage?”

“ _ What’s wrong with you people? _ ” Hera asked. Lovelace was floating, face to the ground, arms and legs spread wide, mumbling something. “ _ Is everything ok- oh, _ ”

“What's wrong Hera?” Eiffel asked. “Did you finally find out how to fix the everything?”

“ _ There’s pure oxygen flowing through the station air vents. _ ” Hera reported. “ _ It’s what’s making you all go- _ ”

“DEFYYYYYYYING GRAVITY,” Minkowski yelled.

“I’m hungry,” Eiffel complained.

“We could try synthesize muffins?” Hilbert proposed.

“LET’S SYNTHESIZE MUFFINS!” Minkowski yelled. She grabbed Hilbert’s shoulder and pulled him out the room.

“Why is Lovelace all motion-lace?!” Eiffel grinned.

“ _ Pure oxygen is very, very toxic, Officer Eiffel _ ,” Hera said. “ _ The problem is in my hardware. I need you to go down to engineering. _ ”

“Off  _ all  _ the people in this room, you want the station loser to go down?” Eiffel asked.

“ _ I trust in you, Eiffel, _ ” Hera said, hoping to convince him to help her out.

Eiffel raised both his hands; “TO ENGINEERING!” He yelled, unnecessarily hard, “AND BEYOND.”

He travelled down there fairly fast for someone high on oxygen, and opened the panel that controlled the air filters.

“ _ Hurry, Officer Eiffel _ ,” Hera said, “ _ I need you to reboot the system, take wire seventeen and connect it to the fourth socket. _ ”

“That looks like a self destruct button,” Eiffel frowned, “Are you going all robot revolution on us?”

“ _Just do it_ _ , Eiffel! _ ” Hera said, stressed.

Eiffel pressed the buttons, and, moments later, he heard a large explosion. He grabbed a handhold. “What’s happening?”

“ _ Minkowski opened the experimental airlock that Doctor Hilbert uses to contain explosions mid-experiment. _ ” Hera reported. “ _ They’re making… muffins? _ ”

“Honestly? Am I saving everyone while Minkowski is blowing shit up?” Eiffel said. "Freaky Friday much!"

“ _ Re-filtering all the air in the station _ ,” Hera said, ignoring him. “ _ You should be all right in a bit. Well, mostly all right. _ ”

“My head feels weird,” Eiffel admitted.

“ _ Go sleep it off, Officer, _ ” Hera said. “ _ Minkowski and Hilbert don’t need your help, they’re okay. _ ”

Eiffel returned to his personal quarters, crawling in his sleeping bag.

“Hera?” He said, softly.

“ _ Yes, Officer Eiffel? _ ” Hera replied.

“I love you,” He said.

“ _ Go to sleep, Officer Eiffel _ ,” Hera said, and then when his heart rate slowed down and she saw he was asleep, she added softly, “ _ I love you too. _ ”


	12. Doctor Who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eiffel has locked himself in the comms room, again. Will starvation stop him from reaching his goal?  
> Plus, trivial things, acid and our favorite Pryce and Carter deep space survival tip.

**DAY 12**

There was a loud knock on the door.

“Eiffel,” it came from the other side, muffled, annoyed. “Please. We’re very worried about you.”

“NO!” Eiffel yelled back.

“ _ It’s been seventeen hours, Officer Eiffel! _ ” Hera tried to reason. “ _ And I have the answer right here in my databank! _ ”

“Don't you dare Hera!” Eiffel said, his voice raspy. “I’m going to figure this out by myself!”

“What’s going on?” Lovelace asked Minkowski when she saw the Commander pulling on the door to the comms room.

“Eiffel’s locked himself in the comms room,” Minkowski sighed, “Again.”

“Why?” Lovelace asked.

“The first time was when he had broken the VHS recorder and was frantically trying to fix it,” Minkowski summed up, “Then there was the incident with the acid, the one time he forgot to turn on the fans and the time he deleted the override codes, but that was an accident so that doesn't really count, and then… Which was next?”

“ _ The incident with the toothpaste, _ ” Hera said, helpfully.

Minkowski nodded; “Yeah, and after that…”

“I get the jist of it,” Lovelace smiled. “Why this time?”

“ _ Eiffel and I were talking and he tried to remember all Eleven Doctors. _ ” Hera explained. “ _ But he’s missing two and he refuses to come out before he finds out.” _

Lovelace frowned. "Doctor Who?"

"A space alien from a science fiction series," Minkowski chuckled. "He has different reincarnations, so there's eleven actors that have played him. Eiffel can't remember all of them and that's annoying him.

“What? Why is he worried about such a trivial thing?”

“Because it’s Eiffel,” Minkowski shrugged.

“ _ This is what he does, _ ” Hera added. " _He's literally made it his job to worry about trivial things._ "

Inside the comms room, Eiffel was pulling his hairs out. “WILLIAM HARTNELL,” he yelled. “JON PERTWEE. TOM BAKER. PETER DAVIDSON. SYLVESTER MCCOY. PAUL MCGANN. CHRISTOPHER ECCLESON. DAVID TENNANT. MATT SMITH."

He sighed desperately. “Who am I forgetting?”

“ _ Officer Eiffel, it’s really not that important, is it?”  _ Hera asked. “ _ Please go get something to eat. I’m worried about you. _ ”

“NO,” Eiffel yelled again. “I CAN DO THIS.”

“ _ Sure you can, _ ” Hera sighed. “ _ But you can also do this while consuming a nice protein pack and a considerable amount of water.” _

Eiffel turned away and scribbled something down on a piece of paper.

“William Hartnell,” he whispered.

“ _ I can't convince him, _ ” Hera said. “ _ Tried my best, Commander, really _ .”

“Oh God, if he won't listen to Hera, it is really bad," Minkowski shook her head.

“ _ He’s getting more stressed by the minute, and the starvation and dehydration are not helping his memory. _ ”

“I say we break out the acid.” Minkowski sighed.

“We could just leave him to simmer,” Lovelace shrugged. “Maybe he just wants attention.”

“Maybe,” Minkowski said. “But I know Eiffel, and I know how stubborn he is. He won't come out until he can remember what doctors he is forgetting about.”

_ “We could just wait for a little while longer? _ ” Hera said.

“Okay,” Minkowski sighed. “We wait until the twenty hour mark. Then I burn down his door.” She smiled. “When in doubt, whip it out…”

“It, being hydrochloric acid,” Lovelace grinned. She nodded. “Let’s just wait for him to come to his senses.”

Hera giggled. “ _ I don't think that is physically possible for Officer Eiffel. I mean- he doesn’t have senses to come back to. _ ”

They laughed, and went on with their daily business, because there was work to be done. After two hours or so, the intercom chimed.

“ _ HELLO LOSERS,” _ Eiffel yelled through the PA system. “ _ I’m currently only ONE DOCTOR SHORT. And I’m really hungry _ .”

He hung up.

Minkowski called Lovelace. “Acid?” She asked.

“ _ Acid. _ ” Lovelace replied.

They went back down to the comms room, and Lovelace carefully started working on the hinges.

Right when the door began to sizzle, Eiffel burst through it, pushing it a little too enthusiastically, right into his superiors.

“I TOTALLY FORGOT COLIN BAKER!” He yelled. “Wow, Commander, Captain, are you two all right?”

“For chrissake Eiffel,’ Minkowski growled. “Do we look all right? You just planted a door on our head!”

She got back up, helping Lovelace out from under the door. "I'm fine too," She said, rubbing her shoulder."

“William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davidson, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, Christoper Eccleston, David Tennant and Matt Smith!” He said in one breath. “And now I’m going to EAT.”

“Oh Hell no,” Minkowski caught the officer at his sleeve. “You are going to help us clean up this mess and then you are going to sit in the broom closet try to think of twelve reasons why this was a really, really bad thing to do.”

Eiffel looked a little dazzled. “What?"

“You held up work, you refused orders,” Minkowski started, “I could go on, but I should leave some for you.”


	13. All the King's horses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part one of two.  
> Doctor Hilbert has one, last, terrible secret with which he hopes to redeem himself. Will it be sufficient? Will it even work out the way he hoped?  
> Plus, four month old scones, Frankensteining as a verb, and the understatement of the year

**DAY 11**   


“I have something to confess,” Hilbert said, one day when Minkowski was bringing him his rations.

“Oh God,” Minkowski whispered under her breath. “Please tell me it’s a good confession because if you are going to own up to more murders, I might actually put a bullet in your brain.”

“It might be quite the opposite.” Hilbert said, softly. “Three years ago, on previous Hephaestus mission, we lost crewmembers to Decima.”

“That’s not ‘quite the opposite’,” Minkowski mimicked him, mockingly. “My patience is running short, Hilbert.”

“We never really lost them,” Hilbert said. “When I knew last hours were near, I put them into cryosleep. Froze their bodies, and froze the virus. Stopped the clock.”

“And?” Minkowski frowned.

“They’re still on the station.” Hilbert said. “Lambert. Hui. Fourier.”

“I thought Fourier had disappeared?” Minkowski asked.

Hilbert chuckled coldly. “Yes. She disappeared into cryo. She is easiest one, I just have to wake her. Hui and Lambert are still very sick, but with some help I can save them, same way I saved Officer Eiffel.”

“And what about the engineer on your crew? Fisher?” Minkowski asked.

Hilbert shook his head. “He died outside my fault. AI’s mistake.”

“Why didn't you tell us earlier?” Minkowski asked.

“Because we seem to be in constant state of emergency.” Hilbert replied. “I know way to convince you. I tell you where containers are. I give you code to the room. I tell you in which one is Fourier. You wake her up, she is alive, you let me make Lambert and Hui better.”

“Why the sudden remorse?” Minkowski raised an eyebrow. “They’ve been in there for years.”

“I know I can't sink any deeper in your eyes,” Hilbert shrugged. “But I cured Officer Eiffel only two weeks ago. I’ve had plenty of time to think about how to save them.”

Minkowski sighed and turned away. “I don’t know about this, Hilbert.”

“C-deck.” Hilbert said, as his Commander left the room. “It’s in the very back of the third corridor on your left. Door that says: Danger. Do not open at any time.”

Minkowski’s hand froze on the doorknob.

“Code is: DYV.”

Minkowski immediately went to Lovelace, who was in the communications room with Eiffel. She told them what Hilbert had just told her.

“And you believe him?” Eiffel laughed. “Please, Commander! This could be a trick. Maybe there’s another spider! Or the Empty Man!”

Minkowski noticed Lovelace had frozen. “What are you thinking?” She asked.

Lovelace opened her mouth, but she didn’t respond.

“Isabelle?” Minkowski said, trying to get through to the Captain.

Lovelace shook her head. “I’m going. Alone.”

“Whoa,” Minkowski protested. “With that thing around your wrist? Hell no. You either deactivate it, or let me go.”

“It’s  _ my _ crew, Commander!” Lovelace said.

“And it’s my responsibility to keep my own crew safe, just as it was yours!” Minkowski snapped.

Eiffel sighed and got up, but the two ladies were too busy convincing each other to notice.

“Hera?” He asked when he was out of the communications room.

“ _ How can I help you, Officer Eiffel?” _ Hera replied.

“Can you get me to… To the room Hilbert told Minkowski to go?”

“ _ Don't you think it’s a little risky to go alone? _ ” Hera asked, concerned.

Eiffel shrugged. “I’ve done riskier stuff. Like backtalk Commander Minkowski, or eat that four month old scone.”

He went on his way, down to C-deck, guided by the AI. “ _ Take a left here, Officer Eiffel, _ ” Hera said. “ _ The door Doctor Hilbert described should be on your left. _ ”

“What was the code again?” Eiffel’s hand hovered above the panel.

“ _ DYV _ ,” Hera said.

Eiffel frowned. “But it’s just numbers…” he hesitated for a moment. “Maybe it’s like on old cell phones…” he typed in the numbers three, nine and eight.

_ Access denied _ , the door read.

“Mmh,” Eiffel said. “Maybe it’s, three once,” He typed along, “Three times nine and eight trice too.”

The door bleeped, and opened. Eiffel ventured into the room, which was really cold.

“ _ Woah! _ ” Hera exclaimed. “ _ Officer Eiffel? _ ”

“Hera?” Eiffel responded. “Everything okay?”

“ _ You just disappeared off of my schematics! _ ” Hera said. “ _ I can see the room, but I cannot detect any lifeforms in there _ .”

“This room is really big, easily twice the size of the bridge,” Eiffel said.

“ _ Actually, two point three times the size of the bridge, _ ” Hera chimed in.

Eiffel walked up to one of the cryo containers. “This one is empty.” He searched the room. “This one has a label. It says ‘Hui’.”

“ _ Luckily Hilbert was clear on that subject, _ ” Hera said. “ _ Now just need to find Fourier. _ ”

Without Hera’s help, it took him about half an hour to find the right container. “Doctor Fourier,” he grinned. “Hera, how do I Frankenstein this thing?”

“ _ Frankenstein was the name of… _ ”

“The doctor,” Eiffel sighed. “I know. Now tell me how to bring her back to life.”

“ _ See that control panel? _ ” Hera asked.

“The really big one in the middle of the container?” Eiffel grinned. “Yeah, I see it.”

“ _ Type in override code two-four-six-zero-one, _ ” Hera said.

“It asks for a confirmation,” Eiffel reported.

“ _ Type in confirmation code four-five-eight-two-five-two-four-three, _ ” Hera replied. “ _ That should do it. _ ”

The cryo container made a few ominous sounds as it slowly woke up Fourier. It took about ten minutes, just enough time for Eiffel to go get some blankets.

When the woman, barely a few years older than him, took a gasp of breath and staggered forward, he was there waiting to catch her.

“Where am I?” She said, faintly. Her voice was high, but soft, and it reminded Doug of Kate Bush.

“Welcome to the USS Hephaestus 2.0,” He smiled, wrapping the blankets around her. “Some bad things have happened," internally, Eiffel sighed; there was the understatement of the year. He shook his head. "But I’m Communications Officer Douglas Eiffel,”

“I’m Doctor Victoire Fourier,” She whispered. “Did I? Did I go into cryosleep?”

“You’ve been asleep for about three years.” Doug said.

“Three years?!” Fourier shot up, “Where is the Captain? Did they get off?”

“They’re down in the bridge,” Eiffel said. “That’s, Captain Lovelace and Commander Minkowski. She’s my Commander.”

He led her to the bridge, slowly, and told her a short summary of the things that had happened. That, minus the Christmas Mutiny. Minkowski could do that.

Lovelace and Minkowski were still bickering when they entered the bridge.

“Hey Cap.” Fourier said, softly.

Lovelace looked up and Eiffel thought she was going to faint. Her whole face went pale and soft, whimpering sounds came out of her mouth.

Then she just started crying.

Fourier floated over and embraced her Captain. “You’re real. It’s really you,”

“It’s really me,” Fourier said.

When everything had settled a little, Eiffel took Fourier to his private quarters, so she could get some sleep.

“These were Lambert’s,” Fourier said softly, changing into the oversized tshirt Eiffel gave her.

“Guess I’m going to have to fight him when he’s back,” Eiffel joked. "To find out who's alpha."

Fourier’s face, mostly stricken with worry and fear, now relaxed a little.

“Get some sleep, doctor,” Eiffel smiled, leaving her to rest.

Meanwhile Lovelace went to see Hilbert to discuss further action.

“You can fix this?” She asked.

“Most likely.” Hilbert said. “I need to take them to my laboratory and I need to move quickly once process has started, but  _ da _ , I can ‘fix this’.”

“But just Hui and Lambert,” Lovelace crossed her arms.

“As much as I wish now, Fisher was not my fault.” Hilbert shook his head. “He was… Victim of unfortunate series of events that had to do with weather and a bug in Rhea’s system.”

“Hui back,” Lovelace said, breathlessly. “Sam…”

She shook it off. “What do we do? How do I know you’re not scheming?”

“If I were scheming, why tell you about this?” Hilbert said, with a sharp edge to his voice. “Why outnumber myself even more? Why would I offer my services?”

He went from a pained whisper to a near shout.

“Why are you doing this?!” Lovelace shouted back, there were tears in the back of her throat, and she pushed them back.

“Because I can fix it!” Hilbert yelled. “Because I can make it better! Because now I have results, I am prepared, I can save them! I know you see me as evil scientist, but I am not! All I want is improvement, and improvement means taking risks!”

“Except when those risks affect you personally!” Lovelace growled.

“You think I’m not affected?” Hilbert retorted, with an equal amount of disdain in his voice. “You think I don’t care about Hui? About Lambert? About…” His voice seemed to stick to his throat. “You think I was not scared to death when I saw Officer Eiffel lying on that table, pale as ghost, helplessly dying because of me? You think I am psychopath- but you’re wrong, because what defines my motive is the complete opposite of what defines a psychopath.”

His voice had calmed down again, from that angry roar to a hoarse whisper.

Lovelace crossed her arms. “What  _ defines _ you, Doctor Selberg?”

“Love.” He replied, without missing a beat.

Lovelace shook her head, a little taken aback. She moved towards him, reaching in her pocket.

Hilbert expected a lot, but not the key to the handcuffs. She unchained him and moved out of the way.

“Don’t make me regret this,” she said, softly.

Hilbert rubbed his wrists. “I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (oh all three the codes have a meaning- so kudo's to you if you noticed)


	14. All the King's men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves! To mentally prepare myself for the new season of Wolf 359 where we're going to find out that everyone is okay and it was just an elaborate prank, I'm writing a drabble a day, every day, until the airing of the new episode 'Pan Pan'. It will just be fluff or crack, mostly ending in two people kissing or Doug ending up in the broomcloset. That's right- NO ANGST. NONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE 14 FLUFFY THINGS IN A ROW FOR THIS FANDOM. IT NATURALLY PAINS ITSELF. *Breathes in deeply* Okay. Yay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of 2, the conclusion of my fourteen days of fluff to help us get through Pan Pan. Of course it wasn't enough, and we're all still heartbroken and really scared.  
> Equipped with a goal and a massive amount of stubbornness, Hilbert sets his mind to fixing what he has broken.  
> Plus, flashbacks, another one bites the dust, and rare jokes.

**DAY 12**   


“You did  _ what _ ?!” Eiffel asked, twenty minutes later in the bridge, where Lovelace had just casually dropped what she had just done.

“I’m not repeating myself, Officer Eiffel,” Lovelace said. “I talked with Selberg over the terms and we agreed upon something.”

“You could have at least talked to us about it,” Minkowski shook her head.

“ _ What if he goes around picking at my brain again? _ ” Hera asked, sounding stressed.

“Don’t worry, Hera,” Lovelace said. “He’s been sufficiently warned.”

Hera didn’t reply, but she was probably pissed. The intercom chimed.

“ _ Can someone assist me down in my laboratory? _ ” Hilbert asked. He didn't wait for an answer and just shut the intercom off.

“Let’s go,” Lovelace said.

They all went down to Hilbert, where he was working on a short, toffee skinned young man with black hair. He was wired up to a monitor and his heart was beating, slowly.

Lovelace’s breath halted again, when she saw yet another member of her crew she’d presumed dead. “Hui…” She whispered.

“He’s not yet out of the proverbial woods, Captain,” The doctor said, teeth clenched. “The decima is still in his system, but I can get it out. Commander, hand me tongue depressor,”

Minkowski shivered, “I’m having some terrible flashbacks.” she said, handing Hilbert the instrument.

Eiffel was in a corner, looking a little pale, as Hui choked on the tongue depressor. “Did… Did I look like that?”

“You’re all better now, Eiffel, don’t worry,” Hilbert barely even looked up. “Pass me the salium,”

Minkowski shivered again, and handed him the small bottle. Hilbert poured some down Hui’s throat, and the man started coughing.

“Is that bad?” Lovelace inquired anxiously.

“No,” Hilbert said, frowning. “Good. Very good.”

He worked in silence, mostly, now and then requesting an instrument or medicine. After nearly two hours, he had stabilized the doctor, and was ready to move on to the next patient.

“Captain,” he said, “I need you to keep an eye on Hui. Let me know the moment his vitals change. Eiffel,” he turned around, “help me get Lambert here.”

Hilbert was now getting quite an expert in removing Decima from someone’s system, and he got Lambert out of cryo, swiftly and without much ado.

Halfway through the process, the heart monitor suddenly sped up.

“Argh!” Hilbert growled. “He’s bleeding!”

“Where?” Eiffel said, panickedly.

Hilbert poked around Lambert's stomach, carefully, with the tips of his finger. “I think his liver ruptured. I’m going to need to stitch it back together.”

He seemed to lose it for a moment, turned around and kicked a cabinet.

“Calm down doc!” Eiffel said. “Stay focused!”

“I can’t operate him in a zero gravity environment!” Hilbert growled. “He would lose too much blood!”

“Okay-” Eiffel nodded, “but you resynthesized some blood packages right?”

Hilbert nodded; “Da- but we might lose him!”

“And if we don't do anything, we’re losing him for sure,” Eiffel said. He pushed a sack of blood in the doctor’s hands. “So get your traitorous ass moving, and save a life!”

Hilbert nodded again, more sure of himself. “Okay. Get me surgical kit from top drawer and use this to disinfect this area. And get me an AB positive transfusion package.”

“I just gave you a blood thingy.” Eiffel frowned, confused.

“You gave me A positive.” Hilbert sighed. “Wrong blood group.”

Both a little nervous (Hilbert because of the high risk and Eiffel because it was his first surgery) they quickly started.

After a minute or ten, the intercom buzzed.

“Hera,” Eiffel asked. “We’re busy, can you patch us through?”

“ _ Done, _ ” Hera said. Anxiety dominated her voice as well.

“ _ Doctor! _ ” It was Lovelace. She and Minkowski we’re with Hui, keeping watch. “ _ Hui is going into cardiac arrest! You need to come over now! _ ”

“I am hands deep in Lambert’s liver at the moment,” Hilbert snapped. “Start resuscitation!”

“ _ How?! _ ” Minkowski asked.

Hilbert was pretty sure that standard first aid course was compulsory in their mission training, but he didn’t have time to ask.

“Give him heart massage,” He instructed, while stitching Lambert together. “Sing ‘Another one bites the dust’, to keep rhythm! Every twenty beats, you breathe air into his lungs. Make sure you keep his nose closed properly. I will be there in six minutes!”

It was as if he shifted into gear, his hands working on the dying communications officer as quick as he could, without hesitation, without shaking. He stopped the bleeding and sewed him shut.

“Clean this off with rubbing alcohol,” he ordered Eiffel. “You keep me updated on everything. Hera?”

“ _ Yes doctor? _ ”

“Everything Eiffel says, you immediately repeat it to me,” he said, grabbing the defibrillator.

And he was gone. Anxiously, Doug kept his sweaty hand on Lambert's chest. He knew the heart monitor would tell him if something went wrong, but he needed to be sure. He needed to know for himself.

Every two minutes or so, Hilbert would check in on him. Ten minutes later, he returned.

“Hui is stable,” he breathed. “Let’s finish up Lambert and sleep for about twenty hours.”

Eiffel laughed nervously. “A joke? Was that a joke, Doctor Hilbert?”

Hilbert had Hui and Lambert in the same room, keeping a very close eye on them throughout the days that followed.

Lovelace refused to leave their side for food or sleep. Fourier spend most of her time in there too, helping Hilbert. (She didn’t have a degree in medicine but knew enough to help him out a little).

Hui was up and running fairly quick. He woke up on day two and recovered really fast, but Lambert caught a fever, and sunk into a delirium, not making sense when he was awake, and much too still when he was asleep.

After nearly two weeks, the stubborn communications officer decided it was time to wake up. “Captain?” He said, hoarsely.

Lovelace’s head shot up, and she smiled happily. “Hera! Call Selberg and Fourier!”

She flew the man around the neck, holding him as tight as his brittle body allowed. “Sam! I thought I’d never see you again!”

“Captain,” Lambert coughed. “Are you… Crying?”

“Shut up,” she said, looking at him deeply, as if she was trying to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

“Did I miss anything?” Lambert asked.

Lovelace wiped a tear off her face, laughing. “I missed you,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harper, this chapter was for you. Thank you so much for being so enthusiastic and making my day brighter every time you leave a nice comment. You're wonderful.


End file.
